Remembering Gram

{Picture taken on 6/13/2011}

October 27, my Grandma Monson would have been 90 years old! I was able to fly out to Utah to spend her last few moments with her. I bought a one way ticket and flew out on October 3. I know I said I would never fly by myself with the boys again, but I was at a point that I felt like I would swim home if it meant that I could just get to see her one last time.

When I got there she really didn't know who I was. She was drifting in and out. She was able to be at her home surrounded by family. I feel so grateful that she held on and waited for me to get there. I was able to spend her last six days by her side. As I sat in the room by her bedside, holding her hand, I wondered if I had shown her how much I love her? Did I listen as intently as I could have to the stories about her life? Do I know them well enough to be able to re-tell those stories to my children? I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with a flood of memories about the most wonderful Gram that I grew up knowing. Then watching her struggle with each breath was almost more than I could handle.

She passed away on October 9. I was there. And she looked beautiful. Watching her suffer was one of the hardest things I have ever experienced, but seeing her so close to the veil was one of the most spiritual. Knowing that death is not the end, is such a blessing of comfort. And I am sure her reunion with Grandpa was so sweet.

I will always remember:

• The smell of your house. 
• The touch of your hands
• The feeling of you tickling my arm with your long painted fingernails
• Your cookie jar filled with treats
• Me faking sick just to be able to spend the day with you. Because a day with you always brought trips to Harmons to let me pick out a box of my favorite cereal, getting an ice cream at the bakery (you always chose Pralines and Cream), and we always had to get a few maple bars home to enjoy for later!
• Your yellow house. 
• Your squeaky stairs that led to a cool storage room that you always kept stocked with all sorts of homemade canned goodness. (I always loved your homemade bottle of cherries).
• Your orange and red couch.
• Your blue tub with the sparkle rock splash and your Dove soap
• Our walks down your street. We would always see your neighbors Cliff and Edna with their poodle. And Freida, who would give us sugar free hard candy (I was always scared of her). 
• Your beautiful pink roses that filled the side of your carport
• Your garden of carrots, squash and "za-chinni"
• Your homemade carrot juice
• Your cherry tree that we all loved to climb
• Your amazing hand dipped chocolates (coconut and caramel were my favorites)
• Your delicious banana bread, slathered in butter
• Fruit cake (I really never loved this).
• Monson reunions and your frog eyed salad
• Taking "pic-e-nics" with a huge tub of your potato salad
• The feeling of home when I came to visit
• Making any excuse to get a sleepover at Gram's. The next morning, before anything else, you had to comb my hair. You would bring out your step stool into the family room so I could watch Mr. Roger's, Sesame Street, or the Work Out (the one from the 80's with the 3 steps)
• The way you always made me feel loved, even when I would sneak downstairs to Uncle Lynn's old bedroom and poke all of your homemade chocolates until I found the kind I wanted. You never got mad.
• Looking in your hall closet to find some treats. You always had a jar of Planter's Peanuts in there. 
• Car rides in your silver station wagon with the red interior. I would always ask you why you never wore a seat belt and you would ALWAYS reply, "because I have the steering wheel to hold on to". 
• Purposely forgetting my pajamas when I would come to stay, just so I could where your silky night gowns, with the matching robe and slippers (even though they were way too big).
• Your jewelry. My favorite was your locket with you and Grandpa inside.
• Your love and hugs
• Your stories about what life was like when you were little.

I will treasure these memories forever.

I will never forget these sweet memories and special times we had together. You were the ultimate Grandma. Thank you giving me such a sweet legacy and filling my life with so much love. You will be missed dearly. I love you Gram!